New Gross Writing Project 🤮

There are some things that impede our forward momentum that we aren’t capable of seeing because it comes on too strong, too fast. I feel this way about my desire to publish my writing in it’s messier forms; short form, writing prompt responses, daily pages. There is a very obvious constriction that comes up for me, and when I settle down deep and ask it what it is afraid of, it says “the readers will see the holes in my facade.”

Wisdom and experience tells me that its OK to show the holes, because illuminating gaps in thinking is always a game changer, and that expressing myself isn’t showing the world a facade with holes in it! This kind of stopping force is strong, if it doesn’t feel safe – it ain’t gonna budge. So when I listen to the expression of this kind of fear, I can tell it comes from a very young part of myself, someone from long ago. Someone who is stuck feeling like they aren’t themselves and have to act in ways to protect themself, so any form of expression could lead to being found out.

But that is not me in this life. That incongruence is what tells me that I have an opportunity to help this part of myself begin to soften and grow into the person who feels deep inside as though they are fit, willing, and able to be present to the reality that is.

Finding these kinds of nuggets is how I’ve always pulled on the strings of my own personal growth. Find the stuck spot, slow down, listen deep, hear it’s concern, and sit with it, let the being heard doing the healing. When the part of you starts to feel relaxed, you can start to move into physical practices, to stretch the capacity for the stuck spot.

Here, for me, it’s the “less than perfect writing” stuck spot. If it’s not well researched and meticulously edited, it cannot be shown to anyone under any circumstances. Can you hear or feel the constriction in that rule? Do you sense it in some way? Do you have a belief that shows up in your life like this? Right now, that part of me is ready to try something new (however hesitant). I want to recognize her here in this post, and together we’re going to write each day, in a less than perfect way, and post it.

What I know about this part of me that is stuck is that she’s been stuck for a long time, and she has a lot to say. I understand that can be overwhelming, so I’ve created some structure so it doesn’t have to lead to stress. In the morning, I’m setting a goal to get out of bed, grab my morning cup of water and a side of beans, and to sit and write a story she has to tell and post it without a lot of editing. I want her to speak from her heart and not panic. Wanna be a part of that unfolding? It could get real weird!